My parents are finally warming up to me being with a girl. Well, they aren’t completely there yet, but I’m glad to see that they are making an attempt. They invited her over for dinner a couple of days ago, my father believed that it was the right thing to do, ‘I would have done it for your boyfriend’.
My parents were much more nervous than I. We sat waiting in the living room. They sighed constantly, checking their wrist watches. She wasn’t late, they were just waiting half an hour early. I gave them a hopeful smile, reassuring that they’ve made the right decision. ‘I feel like a schoolboy, waiting for his first date’, my dad joked, sighing again.
The door bell finally rang. My father was the first to the door; he practically ran. Then came my mother. I waited in the living room. I could tell that my father wasn’t sure of how to greet her; he started to give her a polite hug, but somehow managed to turn it into a hearty handshake. My mom hugged her as she would anyone.
She was led to the living room, where we were to wait until dinner was finished. The silence was killing my father. ‘So, how young are you’, he asked suddenly. She gave a polite laugh, ‘Uh’. ‘17 or 18?’. ‘20′. Silence. Another disappointment, I was sure. My mother left to check on the food. I wanted to go with her, but stayed. ‘20 huh?’. She nodded. There was silence again as he rubbed his peachfuzzed chin, as if thinking of something else to say. My mother returned to the living room to announce that dinner was ready. I felt that my guest was saved. For now.
She was seated at the opposite end of the table from my father. It felt like an interrogation, and my mother and I were spectators looking on. The first five minutes were speechless, just the clanking noise of silverware on plates. ‘What do you do’, my father asked, giving her a stern but interested look. ‘Work, school’. She kept most of her replies short. ‘What major’, same look. ‘Pre-med’. My mom suddenly got interested.
Over the course of dinner and dessert, my father and my guest spoke on different subjects, most of which I knew next to nothing about. I lost interest by the end of dinner. She was invited to join him in the living room to continue their conversation ‘while the women do the cleaning’. It was very clear that he still had no actual idea of how to treat her; like a man or a woman. Son or daughter. Either way, it was quite amusing.
My father changed the subject from economics, business, or whatever they were speaking of, to our relationship. He said that he was curious of many things and that he ‘just wanted to know, no pressure’. He asked if we are sexually active. I suppose that if he were to ask me, he’d believe that I am lying to him. She said no. He nodded, ‘That’s the expected answer, if it’s true — I don’t know, but I’ll respect that’.
My mother and I finished with the dishes minutes later and rejoined the two in the living room. Unfortunately, my father was no where near done with his curious escapade. He smiled, ‘Who wears the pants’. He anxiously awaited an answer. I didn’t speak. I’d always believed that we were equals, but until recently, I just may have to rethink my beliefs. My date gave a nervous chuckle. ‘Oh I see.’ my father said, rubbing his peach fuzz again, ‘I thought so. Pushover, isn’t she?’ She laughed. They both laughed. I was a little hurt to be honest.
They continued to talk and make jokes where I was sometimes the subject. Some jokes she refused to laugh at, claiming that she didn’t want me upset with her. At a point in the get-together, it felt as though this was a joke; the whole afternoon was all just a joke to my father. He probably could care less about our relationship or even my girlfriend. But maybe I was just over-thinking it all.
They joked around a few minutes longer before moving on to something less interesting. My mother excused herself, she was getting tired. So was I, but I didn’t leave. I tried to tough out the long, boring conversation, but I dozed anyway. My father woke me about 5 minutes later and suggested that I go rest, and said that he wouldn’t allow my guest to leave without saying goodnight. So, I left them sitting there talking about goodness knows what. I kept my bedroom door open though, half expecting them to continue joking about me or just say anything about me. I couldn’t sleep anymore.
I sat in the middle of my bed listening to them converse and laugh about…something. They started to discuss children. My father asked if she wanted any. She said yes. He asked how, adding that “she didn’t look like a bottom”. She laughed, ‘Not me’. It went silent. ‘How long do you plan on being with my daughter?’.'As long as possible’. He asked about our age difference, whether it bothered her or not. She said no. He asked why, and if she wasn’t afraid of being accused of statutory rape. I wanted to return to the living room to end the conversation or at least change the subject. I didn’t. She answered that when we first met, age wasn’t an issue and it shouldn’t be now. She said that she wasn’t going to leave the relationship just because she has grown older even though she is now considered an adult. My father asked again about statutory rape. She said that it didn’t worry her, that sex isn’t what’s important to her.
It went silent again. Longest silence of the night; lasted a little over half an hour. Suddenly, ‘Do you want to see her before you leave for the night’. I’m guessing that she nodded because seconds later there was a tap at my bedroom door. She entered. I didn’t bother to play sleep. I didn’t see the point. She lyed next to where I sat. ‘Your father’s killing me’. She made a gag noise and twitched her limbs. We held a brief conversation before she fell asleep. I had to wake her an hour later so she could leave. We both had obligations to tend to in the morning. We said our goodnights and she left.
When I returned home from school the following afternoon, my father wanted to talk. Simply put: he is not comfortable with me being with a woman. He believes that she is a wonderful person, but her age bothers him. He’d rather I date someone of my own age group. He is afraid that she has “too mature” plans for us and I am still “a child”. I had no reply but, as usual, I’m not to have much of a reply when it comes to conversations as these with my father. He suggested that I leave her and he’d find me “someone that better suited me”. I refused, of course. ‘I’m only doing what is best for you’. I disagreed and left for my room. We haven’t spoken on the subject since and I haven’t brought it up with my girlfriend.
I’d like to have a relationship where everyone is pleased, including my parents. I am amazed at the fact that they are alright with me being with a female, but age is now the concern. I know that I am going to continue to be with my girlfriend, but in doing so, I can’t help but to feel guilty.
[Apologies for the long post]
